What title have you decided you must have to be valued? Girl/ boyfriend? Husband/wife? Mother/father? Community leader? Volunteer? Best friend? Executive? Director? CEO? Master chef? Business person of the year? Dux? No. 1? Sir? Ma'am? Professor? [Insert your ideal title here________________]. Will a title make you into the person you'd like to be? Does not having it make you less? Or do YOU create you, regardless – and often in spite of – your title and other people's opinions? When someone gives you a title do you automatically become that? Have you ever had a boss/friend/spouse who wasn't? Did their titles automatically make them into what you desired? And what if by accepting a title you limited yourself to what other people decided was right/wrong for that role, which may not work for you? What if even without any title, you are totally awesome? So ask “What title am I limiting myself to, that if I didn't would allow me to see and create the life truly desire?”
Are you in a relationship? How's it going? Perhaps you're looking to change an existing one, or create a new one? Start by getting clear on your definition. What words do you use to describe your preferred one? Honor, trust, vulnerability, gratitude, allowance, gift/receive, communion, contribution, generative, generosity of spirit, gratitude, joy, fun, freedom? Words like serious, promise, love, commitment, respect, responsibility, give/take, protect, maintain, keep, right/wrong, meaningful, obligation, security, compromise? Or perhaps others? Which words feel light? Which feel heavy? There is no correct answer, just an awareness of your preferences. If you don't have the relationship you'd like, you may be using a definition that doesn't match what you truly desire. So get clear and create what you desire, rather that what others tell you is right, ask “What does relationship mean to me?”
Do you ever feel heat in your chest or pressure on your temples when someone says or does something you don't like? Do you find you can't think clearly, or you get angry? If you'd like to be free from the control of such uncomfortable physical sensations, consider them a sign you are in judgement. Then you can shift gear into allowance. What is allowance? Allowance is where everything is just an interesting point of view and you have total freedom of choice. Judgement limits you to what you have decided (or someone has told you) is right/wrong, good/bad. It's like being on an automatic pushbutton system of resist/react or agree/align. So next time you have a physical reaction to someone, ask “Am I in allowance or judgement?” If you find you're in judgement, say “Interesting point of view I have that point of view” and expand outwards and remind yourself “An infinite being would choose this for what reason?”
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