Do relationships puzzle you? Do you try to solve them, like a jigsaw that always seems to be missing a few pieces? Do you approach them using goal-oriented business systems, pursuing someone certain that your coaching will make them all they can be? Do you decide on the sort of person who should fill in your life, then try to jam them into it regardless of whether they fit or not. Or do you try to fit into the other person's life and in the process, divorce yourself from you? Do your strategies work? If not, and you'd like to create something different, ask “Would this person add to my life?” Looking for a relationship as something that adds to your life shifts you out of perpetual puzzle. You are no longer the incomplete jigsaw looking for your missing piece, nor are you the missing piece trying to fit into someone else’s puzzle. You and they are complete, both seeking to add to each others lives. Then, as you create the relationship, rather than expecting the person you wake up with to be the same one you went to bed with, ask questions like, “Who is this person going to be today?” and “Who are we and what grand and glorious adventures can we have?” How much fun could relationships be if you started from here?
Like to read more on this? Read the full article here.
Have you lived most or your life feeling “wrong”? No matter what you do, think or say, do you judge and censure yourself constantly, trying to figure out whether it is right or wrong? Are you stuck in a loop of defending against and fighting for things, constructing barriers with others to prove something is right or wrong? Do you tie yourself up in knots making yourself wrong for everything? If you'd like to step out of this loop, start here. First remind yourself that right and wrong are “interesting points of view” and ask yourself “who do these points of view come from?” about any views you seems stuck on. When others come to you seeking a fight, say “yes, you are right....” and when you notice your barriers coming up ask “What if being wrong was right?” What change could you create by acknowledging the diversity of points of view? What if there were freedom in being wrong?
Thanks to Susanna Mittermaier for this great question.
Do you ever find yourself surrounded by meanness? Do you even have only ONE mean person in your life tearing you down? Do you find it easy to stand up for yourself? How willing are you to speak out about what's true for you? Are you always being “nice”? If you'd like to change the meanness in your world, or find greater ease in speaking out about what you believe in, ask “What's the value of being nice?” When did you buy the idea that “being nice” was desirable above all else, even if it meant suppressing you? What if silence was simply a choice you made when you weren't willing to stand up with courage for what you knew to be true for you? What if you made another choice? Where have you been unwilling to speak up for what you know? And for who you are? And what is valuable to you? Where do you allow a few voices to ruin things for everyone? What if you recognised that YOUR voice has value and credence and potency to create change beyond anything you've ever imagined possible?
If you like this question, then you'll LOVE Blossom Benedict and her Right Voice for You classes. Thank you Blossom for this awesome question.
Do you live life to the fullest? Adding more and more, just because it's fun and you can? Do you sometimes feel stressed by what you've taken on, but feel you can't stop because you'd let everybody down? Have you decided that you have to keep going, no matter what? If so and you'd like to create a little more ease for yourself, ask "What if taking a break was ok?" What if by taking a break, you created the space you required for something even better to show up?
Has someone ever called you “crazy”? Or suggested you might be from “another planet”? How did you respond? Did you smile and think “ah ha...you have no idea....”? Or did you automatically go into the wrongness of you, work extra hard to try to fit in, or lock down your “craziness”? How did that work out? If it didn't work out so well, ask “What if I was crazy good?” What if others were defining you as crazy for trying go beyond the normality of their reality? What if some were defining you as crazy for trying to fit it? What could be possible if you rethought your definitions and stopped assuming that normality was always good, and abnormality always bad? Has history repeatedly shown you that people with abnormal minds can solve abnormal problems? So what if your “craziness” was the gift the world required? Could you call that “good”...?
Have you been shopping recently? Was it fun? Or did you get upset because you lost something, like a credit card or wallet? Were you overcharged? Did you miss out on a car park or a bargain? Did your children have a meltdown? Did you leave feeling stressed and penniless? If your experience was less than joyful, and you'd like to change your shopping (or any other) experience, ask “Is this mine? Or someone else's?”Thoughts, feelings and emotions are transmitted invisibly and soundlessly like WiFi through everyone nearby. So if you're in the middle of a shopping centre filled with overworked, underpaid, stressed, unhappy people on a budget trying to buy a “festive season,” be aware that you may pick up all their thoughts, feelings and emotions – even if you're financially comfortable and enjoy your work – and walk out feeling unhappy and overspent. Even if something does “go wrong” and you lose something, ask “What's right about this that I'm not getting?” and “How does it get any better?” smile and keep moving.
Do you have any stiffness in your body? In your neck, shoulders, spine, knees, wrists or hands? Anywhere else? Have you put it down to the natural aging process, repetitive strain injury, sitting or standing too long in one position, or lack of certain vitamins and minerals? Do you expect that as you grow older your body will stiffen and eventually seize up? If these are your points of view, then you are not wrong. What if there was a different possibility? What about those spritely seniors who roller blade like teenagers, ride horses like cowboys, or dance like latin lovers? What makes them so different? Could it simply be their point of view? If you'd like to find out, ask “What fixed points of view am I unwilling to let go?” How many layers of fixed points of view have you locked into your body and made so real that your body has lost its flexibility? What physical changes could you create with your body, simply by being willing to be “interesting point of view”?
When you meet people for the first time, what do you tell them about you? Do you have a set patter about who you are, what you do, what your title or business is, what the main challenges of your life are, and who else is in your life? Do you enjoy these conversations? Are they spontaneous and fun? Or are they boring and predictable? Do you find people really listen to them? Or do most people simply wait for a pause in your story to launch their own? How well do you listen to theirs? And how much of telling and retelling your story cements it into place? With each retelling, does it become easier for you to create the changes you'd like, or harder? If you'd like something different, ask “What if my life had no story?” What if you woke up every morning like Drew Barrymore in the movie 50 First Dates, with a totally fresh start? Like to play? Then for the next month, whenever you meet someone new, first asking them questions until they ask about you. Only then tell them something you have never said before, even if it's not yet true. Are you willing to create your life story the way you'd really like it?
Do you worry about what might go wrong? Is fear keeping you trapped? Are you anxious for no apparent reason? Do you feel frozen by these emotions and incapable of happiness? What's the value of operating from worry, anxiety and fear? What if happiness were just a choice? If you'd like a change, ask “What if I lived my life from the excitement of what could go right, rather than the fear of what could go wrong?” Perhaps you've misidentified excitement as fear? Or maybe you're distracted by implants that are not really yours? In both cases, acknowledge it and demand change. And if you enjoy the news, talkback radio, many other media programs and most people's conversations, consider repeating “interesting point of view” for everything you see, hear or read. How much of your worry, fear, and anxiety is you being a highly attuned WiFi device, receiving all the thoughts, feelings and emotions of everyone around you and buying them as yours? Would you “Return to sender with consciousness?”
When you ask questions to create the changes you'd like, how often do you focus them on changing a situation with someone, or something else? For example, you don't enjoy working in your family business, but you do it to keep the incoming money in the family. So you start asking questions like “What will it take for the business to attract a plentiful supply of customers?” or “What will it take for the other family members to do their jobs even better?” assuming that if you can generate more customers and greater efficiency for the business, it can and will hire someone else to do your job. You may create that outcome. Or you may create something completely different, including one which requires you to be even more involved. So if you'd like to make sure the changes you're asking for are aimed directly at the outcome you'd like for you, ask “Where am I in this?” In this case, you could ask “What will it take for the business to thrive and no longer require my labour, or something greater than I can imagine?
Search below for the topic of your choice, or start here at the beginning of this blog and work your way through. All good choices.
Looking for a particular question? Got a particular situation? Search for it here!
The Daily Q
Subscribe and we'll send you a question every day to crinkle your universe, make you smile, and keep you in the zone! Would that be fun?
Subscribe and we'll send you a question every day to crinkle your universe, make you smile, and keep you in the zone!
We currently publish two Qs daily.
Who am I?
Who am I and what qualifies me to ask questions? Nothing really. You can do it too. Just start. Go on, I dare you!