Does someone get angry with you regularly? How do you react? Do you start thinking you haven't been good enough? That you're wrong? Do you try to fold, staple and mutilate yourself to appease them? Or perhaps you respond with your own anger? Does any of this ever work for you? Are you at ease with anger? If not, ask "What about this anger am I grateful for?" There is always something. For example, being aware of the anger, you can choose to keep it in your life or not. If you'd like them in your life you can say "This anger doesn't work for me. Does it work for you? Would you like to change it?" If they say yes, great, there is an invitation for change. If no, then at least you know and you get to choose for you. This question will help you step out of the distraction of reacting to anger, which will only serve to keep you from creating the life you'd really like.
Thanks to M for this one. There's always something right about everything :)
Do you know any mean people? They exist, even if you don't want to see them. When you do see someone who is mean, do you immediately list all the reasons for why? Bad childhood, bad break-up, bad workplace. What other justifications do you find? Are these reasons and justifications true? What about people who have been horribly abused as kids, who as adults are extraordinarily caring people? And those who had comparatively nice childhoods, who as adults are just plain mean? Know any people like this? What if being mean, or kind, was just a choice available to anyone to choose, at any time? So if you'd like to free yourself from the effect of meanness, and contribute more kindness to the world, ask "What if being mean was just a choice?" What would you choose today? What if kindness changed the world? What if YOUR kindness changed the world?
Thanks to Dr Dain Heer for this one. Like to hear him talk about it? A video just for you here http://youtu.be/oMhJvDVcnok
Do you find most people in your life love to tell you what to do? Perhaps you've started a new business, project, or hobby, and suddenly friends, family and strangers start telling you what you're doing wrong and how you should be doing it? Had you expected at least friends and family to be supportive and offer kind words? Have you been caught in a whirl of accommodating armchair critics only to become exhausted or confused? Or do you respond by rejecting everything, saying to yourself that their ideas are off target, won't work, or are too costly? Is this fun for you? If not, ask "What if I could receive everything with ease?" and smile and nod every time someone gifts you their views. Would you be willing to step out of the autopilot "do" or "do not" and acknowledged with gratitude every unsolicited point of view as gifts that could contribute to your awareness? Then you can choose to act, or not, from your expanded awareness. Repeat ad infinitum.
Do relationships puzzle you? Do you try to solve them, like a jigsaw that always seems to be missing a few pieces? Do you approach them using goal-oriented business systems, pursuing someone certain that your coaching will make them all they can be? Do you decide on the sort of person who should fill in your life, then try to jam them into it regardless of whether they fit or not. Or do you try to fit into the other person's life and in the process, divorce yourself from you? Do your strategies work? If not, and you'd like to create something different, ask “Would this person add to my life?” Looking for a relationship as something that adds to your life shifts you out of perpetual puzzle. You are no longer the incomplete jigsaw looking for your missing piece, nor are you the missing piece trying to fit into someone else’s puzzle. You and they are complete, both seeking to add to each others lives. Then, as you create the relationship, rather than expecting the person you wake up with to be the same one you went to bed with, ask questions like, “Who is this person going to be today?” and “Who are we and what grand and glorious adventures can we have?” How much fun could relationships be if you started from here?
Like to read more on this? Read the full article here.
Do you ever find yourself surrounded by meanness? Do you even have only ONE mean person in your life tearing you down? Do you find it easy to stand up for yourself? How willing are you to speak out about what's true for you? Are you always being “nice”? If you'd like to change the meanness in your world, or find greater ease in speaking out about what you believe in, ask “What's the value of being nice?” When did you buy the idea that “being nice” was desirable above all else, even if it meant suppressing you? What if silence was simply a choice you made when you weren't willing to stand up with courage for what you knew to be true for you? What if you made another choice? Where have you been unwilling to speak up for what you know? And for who you are? And what is valuable to you? Where do you allow a few voices to ruin things for everyone? What if you recognised that YOUR voice has value and credence and potency to create change beyond anything you've ever imagined possible?
If you like this question, then you'll LOVE Blossom Benedict and her Right Voice for You classes. Thank you Blossom for this awesome question.
Have you been shopping recently? Was it fun? Or did you get upset because you lost something, like a credit card or wallet? Were you overcharged? Did you miss out on a car park or a bargain? Did your children have a meltdown? Did you leave feeling stressed and penniless? If your experience was less than joyful, and you'd like to change your shopping (or any other) experience, ask “Is this mine? Or someone else's?”Thoughts, feelings and emotions are transmitted invisibly and soundlessly like WiFi through everyone nearby. So if you're in the middle of a shopping centre filled with overworked, underpaid, stressed, unhappy people on a budget trying to buy a “festive season,” be aware that you may pick up all their thoughts, feelings and emotions – even if you're financially comfortable and enjoy your work – and walk out feeling unhappy and overspent. Even if something does “go wrong” and you lose something, ask “What's right about this that I'm not getting?” and “How does it get any better?” smile and keep moving.
When you meet people for the first time, what do you tell them about you? Do you have a set patter about who you are, what you do, what your title or business is, what the main challenges of your life are, and who else is in your life? Do you enjoy these conversations? Are they spontaneous and fun? Or are they boring and predictable? Do you find people really listen to them? Or do most people simply wait for a pause in your story to launch their own? How well do you listen to theirs? And how much of telling and retelling your story cements it into place? With each retelling, does it become easier for you to create the changes you'd like, or harder? If you'd like something different, ask “What if my life had no story?” What if you woke up every morning like Drew Barrymore in the movie 50 First Dates, with a totally fresh start? Like to play? Then for the next month, whenever you meet someone new, first asking them questions until they ask about you. Only then tell them something you have never said before, even if it's not yet true. Are you willing to create your life story the way you'd really like it?
Do you consider change to be hard? You know you're not entirely (or at all) satisfied with your work, business, relationships, health, body or life in general, and you have an idea about what you'd prefer, and yet you can't seem to make it happen? Do you hear yourself saying “I'd like to do this, but I can't because...”? How many reasons and justifications do you have as to why your current situation, although not ideal, is easier to have than making waves and changing anything? What if change wasn't the hard part? If you'd like to find out what might open a door to greater possibilities, ask “Am I willing to acknowledge what I've chosen?” What if the hard part was acknowledging that everything you have created as your life until now had been your choice? There is no need to make it significant. Simply notice it and acknowledge that you are a magnificent creator. Now what do you choose to create? The same, or different?
Do you strive for completion? Do you value having goals and focus your energy on achieving those? How do you feel when either you reach, or don't reach your goal? Does procrastination worry you along the way? Is the process fun? If striving for completion does not give you the sense of fulfillment and satisfaction you were hoping for, and procrastination distracts you, ask “Having done this, what can I create from here?” What if nothing was ever a completion? What if you considered your work, business and your life in general an ongoing creation, of which you were fully present and created elegantly and joyfully? Elegance is the greatest result with the least effort. You create elegance when you are fully present and choose consciously and continuously. And procrastination? This often occurs when you consider something a necessity. What if it were all just choice?
Today is the official opening of my latest project - Polit Bar - so this is a GREAT question for
How often can you see everything in someone else's universe? You know exactly what they could do different, that if they chose it would create change beyond their imagination? How many times have you tried to tell, show, coax, persuade, debate, argue, or fight to share your awareness, trying to help them to see it, and then choose it? How often has that worked? Always, sometimes, or almost never? If you'd like an easier approach with more dynamic results, ask yourself “What question could I ask here that would lead to the awareness that will create the greatest change?” Then putting aside your hopes and dreams about the change you know is possible, ask the question that comes to mind. It might appear to have nothing to do with the “issue.” It might be as seemingly unrelated as “Are you looking to change something? If so, just ask and I'll do what I can to help.” Then smile and wait until they ask you. Are you willing to wait?
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