When you ask questions to create the changes you'd like, how often do you focus them on changing a situation with someone, or something else? For example, you don't enjoy working in your family business, but you do it to keep the incoming money in the family. So you start asking questions like “What will it take for the business to attract a plentiful supply of customers?” or “What will it take for the other family members to do their jobs even better?” assuming that if you can generate more customers and greater efficiency for the business, it can and will hire someone else to do your job. You may create that outcome. Or you may create something completely different, including one which requires you to be even more involved. So if you'd like to make sure the changes you're asking for are aimed directly at the outcome you'd like for you, ask “Where am I in this?” In this case, you could ask “What will it take for the business to thrive and no longer require my labour, or something greater than I can imagine?
Is something not working the way you'd like? You didn't get the job? Your boss won't let you run the project the way you want? Your suppliers are demanding more? Your client base is shrinking? What else? Rather than focus and complain about what's NOT working, get clear on what IS possible. Sometimes, things won't change no matter what you do. If you'd like to know, ask “What's possible here? Can I change this? If so, how?” This question is designed to help you see ways to step around, walk away, dig under, or fly over the brick wall, rather than bang your head against it. Brick walls are not wrong and have no evil intent to hurt you. They are simply a brick walls by nature and are happy to stay that way, no matter how hard you try to change them. So get clear on the brick walls in your life and find other ways around or away. Your head will thank you for it.
This is one of My Favourite Qs, which I will re-publish once every 6-12 months. What if even just remembering this ONE Q helped you create the life you'd truly like?
Do you consider change to be hard? You know you're not entirely (or at all) satisfied with your work, business, relationships, health, body or life in general, and you have an idea about what you'd prefer, and yet you can't seem to make it happen? Do you hear yourself saying “I'd like to do this, but I can't because...”? How many reasons and justifications do you have as to why your current situation, although not ideal, is easier to have than making waves and changing anything? What if change wasn't the hard part? If you'd like to find out what might open a door to greater possibilities, ask “Am I willing to acknowledge what I've chosen?” What if the hard part was acknowledging that everything you have created as your life until now had been your choice? There is no need to make it significant. Simply notice it and acknowledge that you are a magnificent creator. Now what do you choose to create? The same, or different?
Do you strive for completion? Do you value having goals and focus your energy on achieving those? How do you feel when either you reach, or don't reach your goal? Does procrastination worry you along the way? Is the process fun? If striving for completion does not give you the sense of fulfillment and satisfaction you were hoping for, and procrastination distracts you, ask “Having done this, what can I create from here?" What if nothing was ever a completion? What if you considered your work, business and your life in general an ongoing creation, of which you were fully present and created elegantly and joyfully? Elegance is the greatest result with the least effort. You create elegance when you are fully present and choose consciously and continuously. And procrastination? This often occurs when you consider something a necessity. What if it were all just choice?
Have you recently made a career change? Did you realise your job wasn't working for you and quit? Perhaps you had a more rewarding offer and moved on? Or did controversy force you to change ? Are you at ease with the change, or conflicted? Are you enjoying your new life completely? Or do you miss elements of your former career and remain energetically connected? Are you struggling to know who you are without your former identity? Do you think that change means you need to leave everything about the former you behind? Even if you were forced to leave your career defamed and vilified, regardless of the amazing contribution you had made, what if you didn't need to cut it off and make it wrong? If you'd like greater ease with your changes, ask “What can I use this as a springboard for, to create something even greater?” What if you considered your career change a gift that created the space for even more of you to show up?
How often can you see everything in someone else's universe? You know exactly what they could do different, that if they chose it would create change beyond their imagination? How many times have you tried to tell, show, coax, persuade, debate, argue, or fight to share your awareness, trying to help them to see it, and then choose it? How often has that worked? Always, sometimes, or almost never? If you'd like an easier approach with more dynamic results, ask yourself “What question could I ask here that would lead to the awareness that will create the greatest change?” Then putting aside your hopes and dreams about the change you know is possible, ask the question that comes to mind. It might appear to have nothing to do with the “issue.” It might be as seemingly unrelated as “Are you looking to change something? If so, just ask and I'll do what I can to help.” Then smile and wait until they ask you. Are you willing to wait?
How's your sex life? Existent? Non-existent? Is it easy and fun? Is it full of strife? Or somewhere in-between on auto-pilot? How do you choose who you'll have sex with? Do you base it on body type? Personality traits? Future financial potentials? Or your inner monologue of “Thank you, thank you, thank you for having sex with me, no matter what you are”? Would you like to create something different? If so, next time you meet someone you or your body responds to with that panting energy, ask “Will it be easy? Will it be fun? Will I learn something?” You may not get a “yes” on all three and yet still choose to go ahead. No worries. If it's easy and fun, how does it get any better? If you only get that you'll learn something, you may want to ask more questions, like “How does it get any better than this?” and “What else is possible?” If you get none, you may want to smile and walk away.
Are you distracted by competition? Focused on how to out-smart, out-do, out-strip someone else in your field? Perhaps someone is selling an idea they stole from you as theirs and you're trying to figure out how to beat them? Do you consider that someone else will always be greater than you and at least you should strive to be more like them? How expansive does competition with someone else feel? When you enter into competition with someone – even if they are the “leader” in your field – does this create the space for you to be as great as you are? Or does it keep you locked into the limitations of whatever they're willing to, or telling you to create? Can you truly compete with anyone else? No. How can an apple compete with a nightingale? If you'd like to step into your life and out of the limited band of competition with others, ask “How can I out-create me, beyond what exists and anything anyone has considered before?” Are you willing to expand and create your life beyond what others can imagine? It might be a whole lot more fun too.
Do you spend a lot of your time feeling wrong? Do friends, family, and even passing strangers seem compelled to tell you that you haven't got it quite (or a lot) right, and if you just did it their way your life would be a whole lot better? Do you agree with, or fight against them? Is that fun and does it make you smile? If not and you'd prefer more joy, ask “Am I willing to step into my life?” What if you weren't trapped in the narrow band of other people's possibilities? What's the narrow band? Where you either agree and align and do what they tell you, or resist and react and do the opposite. When you expand beyond this band of polarity and create your life from what you know works for you, you have infinite possibilities. When people tell you you're wrong, smile and say “You're right. Thank you so much! You really have helped me to step into my life.” Then change the subject or walk away, “returning to sender” any lingering feeling of wrongness, and do what you you know works for you.
Are you often getting into upsets with friends, or being hurt by the things they say or do? Rarely, a lot, or all the time? What is a friend? Someone who enjoys you, in total allowance. Someone who acknowledges you just as you are, including all the crazy choices you might make, without judgement. Someone who is fun to hang out with and adds to your life, and is grateful to you for adding to theirs. Got anyone in like that in your life now? If not, start with one: you. Are you willing to be your best friend? What if your energy of space and allowance was the invitation for others like that to find you and ask to play? So next time you get upset, hurt, angry or have some other uncomfortable sensation in relation to a friend, and you'd like to change that, ask yourself “Is this person really my friend?” If you notice your current friends spend most of their time telling you how you're wrong and should change because they “care for you,” ask them “Would you like to be my friend? Then you need to stop judging me. If not, that's ok. I'll miss you and hope you have a great life.” Then they can choose.
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