Are you down on yourself? Do you feel that you're not quite right some how? That you're less that you should be? That you're not what someone else expects you to be? Do you fit in with everyone around you? Or not? And have you decided that you're wrong for not fitting in? If you'd like to find out, rather than judging yourself as wrong, ask “What's right about me that I'm not getting?” What if you were not nearly as messed up as you thought you were? What if you were just different? And what if by acknowledging this, you became the difference the world needs?**
This is one of My Favourite Qs, which I will re-publish, with varied scenarios, once every 6-12 months. What if even just remembering this ONE Q helped you create the life you'd truly like?
Do you have a nagging ache, pain, sadness or other uncomfortable physical sensation? Have you tried all the usual things and yet it lingers? For example, asking “Who does this belong to?” and returning to sender when you become aware it's not yours. Or asking “Body, what are you telling me?” and following your body's lead. Then if the ache remains, ask “Who or what am I unwilling to lose?” Notice if you recall any event or person from your life now, or in the past. Have you locked into your body something that you decided you can't let go, even though it's hurtful or toxic? Are you keeping reruns of an event in body, saying “if only I'd done this, it would have turned out better?” Perhaps you're exhausting yourself with the dream that someone will change the way you know is possible, but instead you let them drive the knife in deeper? What if by being willing to let go of events and people you've locked into your body alleviated your aches, pains, sadness or other longings? And what if it created even more space for you to enjoy your life now?
Have you ever lamented “I don't belong!” or spent your life trying to fit in with others? Has it been easy? Or perhaps you've always known you were different and found it simpler (and more fun) to hang out by yourself, doing your own thing? Did you nevertheless feel a nagging pressure to belong, or believe that you were somehow wrong for not fitting into groups around you? What if there was nothing wrong with not belonging? Did you know the definition of belong includes: to be the property of, to be part of, and be suitable for something? Is that what you're looking for? If you'd like clarity about this, ask “What's the value of wanting to belong?” Perhaps your inability or non-desire to “belong” was simply your awareness that you were already wholly and suitably the property of something: you? So what if rather than “longing to be” something else, you embraced being all of who you are already?
Do you have something in your life you'd like to change, but haven't yet because you fear you might lose family, friends, work, money, status, reputation, or “everything I've worked so hard to achieve”? Does this fear keep you frozen and trapped by inaction? Would you like to thaw, expand outward and move into action? If so, ask “What if the only thing I had to lose was my limitation?” What if by making the changes you know you'd really like, you created more than you could ever imagine? What if this also contributed to everyone and everything around you? Certainly, some friends, family, professional and other acquaintances will not accept the changes you make and withdraw from your life. Would that be a loss, or a contribution? What's the difference? Only your point of view.
Have you ever tried to change or clear something in your life continually, and to no effect, even though you've asked a thousand questions? For example, has someone ever told you that you weren't good enough and you had to try harder? Or that something about you was not appropriate and you had to overcome it? Perhaps you're too vocal, disruptive, creative, poor, uneducated, powerless, unattractive or other? What if there was nothing wrong with you? What if you were buying a lie that someone else wanted you to believe? Is it possible to overcome or change something that doesn't exist? What would you do if someone told you you were a rabbit? Would you become depressed and do whatever it took to try and change you? Or would you say “Um, huh? I'm not a rabbit. I'm me.” So if you'd like to create greater ease around things you assumed were “wrong” about you and you must change (but couldn't), ask “What am I trying to clear, that isn't true?” If something's not true to start with, how can you clear it? Simply notice the lie and it can no longer exist.
Do you assume you have to eat when you feel hungry? Most people do. Do you feel compelled to preempt hunger pangs by filling up at regular intervals? How's your relationship with your body? Comfortable? Or not so much? Do you sense your body is telling you it's “not happy Bob?” If you'd like to create greater ease with your body, rather than filling it up with food on auto-pilot 3-6 times a day, wait until you notice you're hungry, then ask “Body, what are you hungry for?” Certainly, your body may require food. In which case, then ask “Body, what would you like to eat?” and notice what comes to mind, or what menu item your eye is drawn to first. Or it may be hungry for something else, like movement, warmth, attention, nurturing, sex or touch? What if hunger pains were your body enjoying and adjusting to the extra space, like a sigh of relief from the density of the food it didn't really desire?
Are you surprised or frustrated when people don't listen? How often have you tried to share with your family and friends the amazing things you've spent your time and money learning, only to be disappointed by their lack of interest? At best, do they smile and nod with glazed eyes and closed ears? At worst do they berate you for wasting your time and money and end by reminding you that you're stupid? Does this upset you? Do you try harder, or start a debate (fight)? Does talking more, longer or harder ever work at all? What if you could share your insights without saying a word? If you'd like to find out, ask “What if saying nothing was the greatest contribution I could be?” The shut up, nod, smile, listen and ask questions. It may take only a few minutes – or it may take decades – for the other person to stop talking and say “You're different. What is that?” And that's your invitation to talk.
What do you have to do today, that you'd really rather not? Clean the house? Do the food shopping? Visit an unpleasant relative? Wash the car? Attend the weekly staff meeting? Write an essay? Sit an exam? Perform in public? Go to the dentist? Give your family news you know they'll hate. What makes you go “ugh, I'd rather not” but you know you're going to do it anyway. If you'd like to create a more ease for yourself, ask “How can I enjoy the heck out of it?” Your point of view reality creates your reality. So if your point of view is “I don't enjoy this” then you are correct. You don't and won't. There is no possibility it could turn out to be fun after all. And if your point of view is “What would it take for this to turn out more fun than I could ever imagine?” you create the invitation for that to occur. To start, carry with you one thing that makes you laugh. A game. A joke. A book. An app. A photo. A dance in your step. After a while you might find you won't need it. Happiness is just a choice. What do you choose?
Are you a worrier? What do you worry about? Failing exams, business, relationships, children, money. Something else? Or do you spend most of the time trying to figure out (worry about) what other people want from you and how to deliver it? For example, passing the exam, then getting the right job/ spouse/ children/ house/ car/ TV/ holiday/ other? What's the value of worry? Does it contribute anything? Or does it keep you trapped in reaction and distract you from taking action? Is it an excuse for no-action? Is it relevant?If you'd like to be free to take action and create the life you'd prefer, rather than being distracted by worry into reaction/no-action, ask “What if worry wasn't relevant?” How much of your worry stems from trying to fit in or to meet other people's expectations? Do you think it's caring? How aware of/interested in you are other people? A lot, a little, or not at all? Would you like to have more fun? Then stop worrying about what other people want and start creating your life for YOU. If your life was an adventure of constant creation, would worry exist?
Are you a caring person? Can you always see exactly what someone could be doing differently to create an easier and happier life? And do you consider that you're willing to do whatever it takes to help them get there? How often do you see the results you'd know are possible? Usually, sometimes or almost never? And how easy and joyful is the process for you? If you'd like to create change for you, ask “Am I caring? Or care-taking?” Care-taking is doing whatever the other person tells you to do because it makes them feel better, and includes listening to stories, hand-holding, and crying in sympathy. Caring is empowering someone to create change, whatever that looks like, and includes doing nothing and saying “no.” What empowers? Questions, choice, awareness and contributing only when asked and when you know change is possible. What if caring was not the good deeds auto-pilot system you thought it was? What if it was simply the willingness to be aware of and in allowance of other people's choices?
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The Daily Q
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