Have you ever lamented “I don't belong!” or spent your life trying to fit in with others? Has it been easy? Or perhaps you've always known you were different and found it simpler (and more fun) to hang out by yourself, doing your own thing? Did you nevertheless feel a nagging pressure to belong, or believe that you were somehow wrong for not fitting into groups around you? What if there was nothing wrong with not belonging? Did you know the definition of belong includes: to be the property of, to be part of, and be suitable for something? Is that what you're looking for? If you'd like clarity about this, ask “What's the value of wanting to belong?” Perhaps your inability or non-desire to “belong” was simply your awareness that you were already wholly and suitably the property of something: you? So what if rather than “longing to be” something else, you embraced being all of who you are already?
Have you ever tried to change or clear something in your life continually, and to no effect, even though you've asked a thousand questions? For example, has someone ever told you that you weren't good enough and you had to try harder? Or that something about you was not appropriate and you had to overcome it? Perhaps you're too vocal, disruptive, creative, poor, uneducated, powerless, unattractive or other? What if there was nothing wrong with you? What if you were buying a lie that someone else wanted you to believe? Is it possible to overcome or change something that doesn't exist? What would you do if someone told you you were a rabbit? Would you become depressed and do whatever it took to try and change you? Or would you say “Um, huh? I'm not a rabbit. I'm me.” So if you'd like to create greater ease around things you assumed were “wrong” about you and you must change (but couldn't), ask “What am I trying to clear, that isn't true?” If something's not true to start with, how can you clear it? Simply notice the lie and it can no longer exist.
How comfortable are you in your skin? Do you feel that you are the complete, natural expression of who you really are? Or do you sometimes feel confused or uncomfortable, not quite yourself ? Whenever you feel a little (or a lot) not like yourself, ask “Who am I trying to be?” There is nothing wrong with acknowledging other people's greatness. But will unconsciously adopting other people's traits create that same greatness in you? Maybe. And you would adopt not-so-great traits for what reason? This question will help you see more clearly the behaviour, thoughts, loves, fights, sacrifices, hopes, dreams or other that are not naturally yours, that you are taking on as yours. Once you can see them, you can let them go if they don't serve you and rediscover yourself. How? Ask, “If I were me, who would I be?”
Do you feel that you're not enough? You don't ft in? You must strive to become something that your parents, teachers, friends, bosses, TV has told you you should be? Certainly you couldn't possibly be enough just as you are! You need to be something better, right? What if there was nothing wrong with you? What if being you – just as you are – was exactly right? What if it were more than ok? What if the world actually needs the full range of your talents and abilities that you've been told your whole life were wrong? What would that be like? Do you know? If you'd like to fnd out, ask “If I were me, who would I be?” and “What's right about me I'm not getting?” What if you could be you and change the world?
Are you compelled to always try your hardest to win, be right, better than, or different to anyone else? Or at least not to appear to lose or to be wrong? How's that working for you? Is it fun? Or do you feel trapped in a race for which you don't seem equipped and are never enough? Are you frozen by the fear of failure? What if competition was not real? Are you the same as anyone else? No. So how can an apple and a nightingale compete? Only by both becoming something else that they're not. So if you feel limited, frustrated or frozen by the rules of a race that doesn't exist, ask “What's the value of buying into competition as real?” Then ask “What is the greatest contribution I can be to my life, family, business and communities?” That's the generative kind of competition, which is all about being more of you.
Do you sometimes feel like you're not being who you really are? That you're being all sorts of things for other people, and nothing for you? Do any of these roles sound familiar? Latest-at-the-offce employee, best-drinking boss, super mum, breadwinner dad, A-grades daughter, sports-champion son, host-with-the-most, community hero, best-friend-to-all, [fll in your own identities here___________________________]? Do they weigh you down? Do you feel lost under layers of masks to make other people happy, but don't quite feel like you? Would you like to rediscover who you really are? If so, ask “If I were me, who would I be?” What if being you was more than just fine? What if it was wonderful and exactly what your family, home, offce, communities and the world needed?
Remember when you were a small child and everyday was an adventure? Was your To Do list something like this: - wake up; - have fun; - go to bed (maybe, if I have to, or just fall asleep mid-play)? Does your life still have that energy? No? Is your To Do list now more like this: - drag myself out of bed; - do what I have to; - work and drink too much and fall into bed (if I'm lucky, or maybe nod off on the subway)? Would you like to reclaim the energy of your child? If so, rather than resigning yourself to being weighed down by work/business/life responsibilities, what if you embraced life as an exciting adventure? Wake up every morning and acknowledge you're in charge of creating your day by asking "Who am I today and what grand and glorious adventures can I have?" If you begin each day like this, will you have the same old study, job, work, business, family, health or money problems? Maybe. Or maybe you'll see new, exciting possibilities that you have never see before. And what benefits could this bring to your work and business?
The Questionnaire is taking a break from 25 December to 2 January. If you have a question or situation you'd like clarity on, please just ask.
Do you spend a lot of your time feeling wrong? Do friends, family, and even passing strangers seem compelled to tell you that you haven't got it quite (or a lot) right, and if you just did it their way your life would be a whole lot better? Do you agree with, or fight against them? Is that fun and does it make you smile? If not and you'd prefer more joy, ask “Am I willing to step into my life?” What if you weren't trapped in the narrow band of other people's possibilities? What's the narrow band? Where you either agree and align and do what they tell you, or resist and react and do the opposite. When you expand beyond this band of polarity and create your life from what you know works for you, you have infinite possibilities. When people tell you you're wrong, smile and say “You're right. Thank you so much! You really have helped me to step into my life.” Then change the subject or walk away, “returning to sender” any lingering feeling of wrongness, and do what you you know works for you.
Are you down on yourself? Do you feel that you're not quite right some how? That you're less that you should be? That you're not what someone else expects you to be? Do you fit in with everyone around you? Or not? And have you decided that you're wrong for not fitting in? If you'd like to find out, rather than judging yourself as wrong, ask “What's right about me that I'm not getting?” What if you were not nearly as messed up as you thought you were? What if you were just different? And what if by acknowledging this, you became the difference the world needs?**
This is one of My Favourite Qs, which I will re-publish, with varied scenarios, once every 6-12 months. What if even just remembering this ONE Q helped you create the life you'd truly like?
Who or what don't you like? Evil corporations? Hippies? Government? Missionaries? Environmental activists? Telephone salespeople? Big Pharma? Raw foodies? Big Agribusiness? Vegans? Who or what else? Which group of people do you find yourself poking fun at, criticizing, or in a fight about at least once a day? When you talk about these people or groups, does your blood pressure rise and heart beat faster? Do you frown and your voice tone rise? How do you feel? Great? Or not so good? What is it about these people and/or groups that makes you talk about them constantly? What in YOU do they spark or explode into a fire of reaction? And when you fight, how free are you to act to create the life you'd like? Or does the fight control you and keep you frozen in reaction against it? If you don't feel so good and would like to free yourself from the fight, ask “Who or what am I fighting?” and "What else is possible?" Is it YOU? What if you didn't need to fight you?