How often do you feel swept away by the stream of people's trauma and drama? Dragged over the rapids and smashed against the rocks? Or perhaps you're a salmon diligently struggling against the flow? What if instead you were a rock in the stream, allowing the water to pass one way and the salmon to pass the other? What if you could see it all, without being the effect of it, so you can choose what works for you? This is allowance and questions will get you there. Like to be the rock? Be the question.
What have you decided you do not want in your life? People who lie, cheat and steal? Unreliable and flakey people? Bossy and know-it-all people? What else? How much energy do you spend judging people in an effort to keep certain things out of your life? Does it ever work? Is it fun for you? Does it expand your life in ways you'd like? If not, rather than judging and excluding, be in allowance and inclusive. When you exclude, you defne the limits of what you are willing to receive and shut off your access to infnite possibilities. So when you notice you're trying to avoid someone, ask “What am I excluding here, that if I were to be in allowance of would contribute to my life in ways I can't yet imagine?” Will this put you at the mercy people? No. When you are aware and inclusive you will see what's going on and how to choose the bits that work for you. As a result, they may exclude you from their lives, because you're no longer fun for them.
What do people talk about? Ever heard a story or two million? How often do you hear the same story told different ways, as if to prove the polar opposite of another? How much of your life do you spend listening to – or even telling – stories, only to become confused about what is real and true? What if none of it were real or true? What if all stories were simply interesting points of view? Would that create less trauma and drama in your life? Would it be easier for you to create the life you'd really like, rather than trying to figure out from the stories what life you should be creating? If you'd like to be free, practice these magic words “I choose not to listen to, tell or buy the story.” Sure you can enjoy a story for the heck of it. At the end, you could say “Wow, that was a terrific story! I'm amazed that you are still sane” followed by anything to change the subject. Try a little gratitude. That's been known to crinkle a universe or two.
Are you compelled to always try your hardest to win, be right, better than, or different to anyone else? Or at least not to appear to lose or to be wrong? How's that working for you? Is it fun? Or do you feel trapped in a race for which you don't seem equipped and are never enough? Are you frozen by the fear of failure? What if competition was not real? Are you the same as anyone else? No. So how can an apple and a nightingale compete? Only by both becoming something else that they're not. So if you feel limited, frustrated or frozen by the rules of a race that doesn't exist, ask “What's the value of buying into competition as real?” Then ask “What is the greatest contribution I can be to my life, family, business and communities?” That's the generative kind of competition, which is all about being more of you.
Is something in your life stuck and you can't seem to shift it? For you to be unable to change something, you have to have decided or concluded something about it. For example, what have you decided in your life is perfect or the answer? A relationship? A job? A business? When you can see your decisions – and are willing to let them go – all change becomes possible. So when you're stuck, ask “What decisions, conclusions and answers have I made about this?” This does not mean you have to end the relationship, or job, or business. You can transform it into something else, something better than you could have ever imagined. How? Ask another question.
Would you like to create the life you'd truly like? Then step out of judgment and into awareness. What's the difference? Judgement is a fixed point of view, that you will die to prove right. You will often feel emotional heat, a useful way to sense the difference. Awareness is an interesting point of view you can change with ease. Judgements – regardless of whether they're good or bad – will serve only to control and limit you. Awareness gives you access to infnite possibilities. If you'd like to be free of limitation, repeat as often as required “Everything, even my/their strongest opinion, is just an interesting point of view.” If you dare, follow up with “What am I aware of that, if I chose it, would be the greatest contribution to my life and living?”
What do you do when things don't ft into the form and structure you've decided your life must have? When things vary or change? Do you say “Oh that's interesting. It's different! It's something I never thought about! I wonder how much fun we can have?”
Or do you react with upset and say “That's strange/crazy/stupid. If they only did it my way their life would be better! OMG how can I put up with this?”
How much stress or unhappiness do you have because you've decided things have to be a particular way? If you'd like less stress and more happiness in your life, start here:
How? Ask more questions.
- notice the form & structure in your life
- let go of any significance you've attached to it
- choose the form & structure that works for you, and
- change whatever doesn't.
Do you ever feel heat in your chest or pressure on your temples when someone says or does something you don't like? Do you find you can't think clearly, or you get angry? If you'd like to be free from the control of such uncomfortable physical sensations, consider them a sign you are in judgement. Then you can shift gear into allowance.
What is allowance? Allowance is where everything is just an interesting point of view and you have total freedom of choice. Judgement limits you to what you have decided (or someone has told you) is right/wrong, good/bad. It's like being on an automatic pushbutton system of resist/react or agree/align. So next time you have a physical reaction to someone, ask “Am I in allowance or judgement?” If you find you're in judgement, repeat “Interesting point of view” while consciously expanding outwards until the heat dissipates. Then ask another question.
How often do you get stuck in a no-win fight? Do you enjoy it when other people won't listen to your opinion and only want you to see theirs? How much stress do you suffer from trying to prove who's right and who's wrong about something? Does this help your work or business? What does stress do to your body? Do fights create, or use your time and money? Would you prefer a different way of being? If so, practice these magic words “interesting point of view” every time you fnd yourself having a difference of opinion with someone. You're not saying anyone is right or wrong. You're acknowledging everyone has a right to their own (perhaps insane) point of view, including you. Say it lightly, smile and move on, for example “Yes, I see, thank you. That's a really interesting point of view. I wonder what would be the most rewarding outcome for our business right now? What else could we look at?” This invites in new ideas that you both might like.