What title have you decided you must have to be valued? Girl/ boyfriend? Husband/wife? Mother/father? Community leader? Volunteer? Best friend? Executive? Director? CEO? Master chef? Business person of the year? Dux? No. 1? Sir? Ma'am? Professor? [Insert your ideal title here________________]. Will a title make you into the person you'd like to be? Does not having it make you less? Or do YOU create you, regardless – and often in spite of – your title and other people's opinions? When someone gives you a title do you automatically become that? Have you ever had a boss/friend/spouse who wasn't? Did their titles automatically make them into what you desired? And what if by accepting a title you limited yourself to what other people decided was right/wrong for that role, which may not work for you? What if even without any title, you are totally awesome? So ask “What title am I limiting myself to, that if I didn't would allow me to see and create the life truly desire?”
Are you in a relationship? How's it going? Perhaps you're looking to change an existing one, or create a new one? Start by getting clear on your definition. What words do you use to describe your preferred one? Honor, trust, vulnerability, gratitude, allowance, gift/receive, communion, contribution, generative, generosity of spirit, gratitude, joy, fun, freedom? Words like serious, promise, love, commitment, respect, responsibility, give/take, protect, maintain, keep, right/wrong, meaningful, obligation, security, compromise? Or perhaps others? Which words feel light? Which feel heavy? There is no correct answer, just an awareness of your preferences. If you don't have the relationship you'd like, you may be using a definition that doesn't match what you truly desire. So get clear and create what you desire, rather that what others tell you is right, ask “What does relationship mean to me?”
Do you ever feel heat in your chest or pressure on your temples when someone says or does something you don't like? Do you find you can't think clearly, or you get angry? If you'd like to be free from the control of such uncomfortable physical sensations, consider them a sign you are in judgement. Then you can shift gear into allowance. What is allowance? Allowance is where everything is just an interesting point of view and you have total freedom of choice. Judgement limits you to what you have decided (or someone has told you) is right/wrong, good/bad. It's like being on an automatic pushbutton system of resist/react or agree/align. So next time you have a physical reaction to someone, ask “Am I in allowance or judgement?” If you find you're in judgement, say “Interesting point of view I have that point of view” and expand outwards and remind yourself “An infinite being would choose this for what reason?”
How well do people read what's in your mind and heart? Are you frustrated that no one gets you? Not even (or especially!) your mum or insignificant other? How much attention do people pay to you and to what you say (out loud, let alone notice what's buried deeper down)? Or do they usually focus on what they have decided you should be or do, “for your own good”? And how willing are you to tell others what you require or desire? A lot, a little, or not at all? When did you decide that you couldn't ask for things for you? How many people have told you that choosing for you is selfish (so just do what they tell you, for them...)? What if by choosing for you and creating the life you'd truly like, you contributed more to others than you ever imagined possible? Find out by asking “What am I unwilling to ask for, that if I did ask for it would contribute to creating the life I'd truly like?”
What does success mean to you? Getting into THAT school? Getting THAT job? THAT person? THAT house? Driving a cool sports car? Having a million dollars in the bank? Nothing wrong with having a clear idea about what would be fun for you. The question is, did you select these things because they would be fun for you? Or because you decided (or someone else told you) that these things would show other people you were successful? And until you have these thing, you must work long and hard, and make sacrifices, including not doing some things you really enjoy? If you're not enjoying life right now, ask “How have I defined success?” and get clear on what is driving you. Then you can start driving yourself and define success in a way that works for you. For example, “What will it take for me to bounce out of bed very morning, smiling and inspired by everything I do and everyone I meet? And maybe with some fun zappy wheels to get me around...or something greater?”
Do you like helping people? Is is important to you? What is it about helping people you enjoy? Do you feel worthy? Does it make you feel valued and valuable? What don't you enjoy? Are you frustrated when you give your best to someone but they don't seem to want it or appreciate it? Do you find that no matter how much you help people, some simply never seem to change? There is nothing wrong with wanting to help people. It's awesome. Empowering people to know they can change anything in their lives is a gift. Just know that even when you do your best, people will choose what they choose, and it's got nothing to do with you. People choose what they do because somewhere, somehow they like it. If you'd like to get clear about why and how you can help people with greater ease ask “What's the value of helping people?”
Close your eyes. Find the outer edges of your body. Got them? Are you only your body? Or something else? Are you like a CD with music, rather than blank CD? If you are more than just your body, now find the outer edges of YOU, the being. Got them? Wherever you found them, push them out in all directions until they are out past the outer edges of the universe, or further. Now open your eyes. Do you feel the same or different? Do you have the sense of more space or less? There is no right answer to any of these questions. Only awareness of what YOU sense. If this exercise creates a greater sense of space for you, or an awareness that you have no outer edges, use it to remind yourself that you are an infinite being, in a free will universe, with infinite choice. So when you're stuck, ask “Would an infinite being truly choose this?” As an infinite being, you would feel stuck or overwhelmed for what reason?
What have you made the answer to your life? Relationship? “When I find The One I'll be happy.” Money? “When I have X money I'll be secure.” Property? “When I buy my own house I'll be a real man.” Work? “When I get that job I'll be successful.” Will these things in themselves make you feel happy, secure, real, successful? Or does your point of view make you feel happy, secure, real, successful? If you didn't have the point of view you lacked something, would you feel dissatisfied and unhappy? So when you're feeling less than or dissatisfied with your life as it is, and you hear yourself repeating “If I only had X, I'd be Y” ask “What am I making having X about?” Then notice what the real target of your desire is and ask “What will it take to be Y now?”
What if your body was a whole lot smarter than you ever gave it credit for? What if its aches and pains were telling you much more than what vitamins and minerals you need? You know the feeling of heartbreak? It's a very real physical ache. People have died from it. What about other physical symptoms? Find out by asking “Body, who or what
Got problems? Do you like them? Does it give you something to chat about with your friends, a puzzle to solve? What if you didn't have problems? Would else could you enjoy using the time and energy you now pour into problem solving? If you'd like to find out, ask “What have I decided is a problem, which if I looked at it differently is something to be thankful for?” For example, rather than being upset that your boss is not hands on and doesn't want to hear about or get involved in your projects, be grateful you have the freedom to run them the way you like. When you find yourself complaining about something weighing you down, rather than trying to fix the problem (make it an even better problem?), you transformed it into something else?